Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

A very interesting discussion took place this morning over at MothersFightingForOthers.com.

JWT HeadAfter a long string of comments, one commenter, kim.kim, said, “JWT youโ€™re not a physically attractive person, I can tell by the way you write.” Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, here I am in all my glory.

I’ve been looking for an excuse to show you all something other than my eyes. Maybe this will get me a few more visits. I could use a few more visits. And besides, it would be nice to move her personal attacks off of a site designed to inspire Mothers to take action and onto a site where we can all bash each other with reckless abandon! ๐Ÿ™‚

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30 responses to “Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

  1. Anyone wishing to join in on the attack on my wife as a Mother or on me as an unattractive man, can also do so here:

    http://tinyurl.com/2rnxnh

    But please feel free to attack my appearance here as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I can bash. Sure yrr looking OK for a preserved relic, but in my experience you were way hotter as a gymnast (was that really the 70’s?) … also as a Spyro Gyra fan in the 80’s … in the 90’s you were still pretty hot when you came to hear me play LA & we went to Toi Thai afterwards. Now yrr nuthin’ but a bald white man, homes. Oh — wait a minute — I’m a bald white man too! Hmm. Must rethink this line of argument.

  3. jaunty… you are so right. Old, bald and white as the day is long. Parts of my body have not seen the sun in years. Oh… and I’m 20 pounds overweight now… you forgot that one.

  4. wow she really got to you, no?

    you should go for a run and stop obssessing

  5. No kidding! And the run would help me lose some of the weight. Thanks for stopping by… ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. JWT-
    I’m quite appalled by this kim.kim person.
    I find it ironic that she had the audacity to call you physically unattractive because of your writing; that’s exactly what was going through my mind about her words.
    Sheesh. . .
    I can speak firsthand on the adoption issue as well.
    I think it’s a wonderful thing that you’ve done.
    As an adopted child, I’ve discovered just recently that my life was saved by two total strangers.
    It’s long story and surely not one for a comment box.
    Bravo, JWT & HM.
    The children of the world need more love and acceptance from people like yourselves who actually give a crap.
    ~m

  7. ~m… I’d love to hear your story. If you post about it, will you please let me know?

    Now… you didn’t follow the rules. You’re supposed to be bashing me!

  8. I, too, am shocked that someone could/would judge someone as attractive or unattractive based on their writing. If that were the case, I’d probably be some goth, dark, “black only” wearing person. Fiddlesticks. I am going to read that post. Will be back. k

  9. Wow, I just read the post and the comments and I also added MothersFightingforOthers to my blogroll. I think when it comes to KimKim, it’s best to just ignore her bitter comments realizing that she is a small person, obviously extremely closed minded. It’s amazing how these people climb out of the woodworks and stumble across our blogs from time to time. And while some debating is good, attacking persons that you do not know on a personal level; well, that’s just tacky and a clear sign of a lack of intelligence. Instead of trying to learn from what Rocky has to offer (because we all have something to offer), Kimkim launched an all out attack on her abilities as a mother, as an activist, as a writer. It’s ignorance, pure and simple. Any woman who can maintain a household with six children and a husband while at the same time claiming her individuality, writing, blogging, fighting for others, is a remarkable woman on her worst day-and a fabulous role model for both your sons and your new daughters. Many congratulations to you both. Kim (just one ๐Ÿ™‚ )

  10. what a small, little mind this woman must have. can she also tell what color your socks are by what you write? or perhaps whether you prefer chicken over beef? people like that truly have no life and it’s not worth bothering to argue with them. they live for those moments they can injure someone for no reason but that it makes their sorry lives seem important for a moment.

    well, i can tell by the way you write that you are a kind and caring person. and that anyone would be lucky to call you their friend. how’s that?

    and you certainly are attractive jeff – the lights beams from your eyes – nothing more beautiful in a human being than that.
    sarah

  11. JWT,
    so you have met them….you have only seen the tip of the iceberg as far as how much many of these women hate adoption. I am an adopted mom and an adoptee and I think they all had something against me right away because of it. At first I felt like I had to prove myself…but I was not approved because I had a great life as an adoptee and am not against adopting an infant. I know the love you feel for your kids and I have known that love from my aparents. NOT all adoptees and biomoms feel the way these people do. I have many adoptee friends and know mothers who have placed….my best friend is a biomom who walked with me and my hubby through the whole adoption process — we have helped eachother through it all. I’ll have to take some time tommoro and read through your past posts. I agree that people can disagree, i just wish they could be civil about it.

  12. I started reading this whole thing because I was curious. I have to tell you that I am shocked at some peoples behavior! I can not believe this whole crazy mess! I am impressed with the way you handled yourselves and stood your ground. I hope that you and your family will be very happy!

  13. I think it is also helpful to remember how much pain a mother goes through by losing her child to adoption. It doesn’t matter if she is from poverty or wealth, she has lost her child, her flesh and blood. Posts that minimize or disregard the mothers pain can be very triggering.

    I’ve been active in adoption reform for ten years; I have seen the extreme pain mothers feel. They have been silienced, told to “get over it” and completely cut out of their children’s lives. As you and your wife say, the mothers thought adoption was their only option – this does not make the loss of a child easier to cope with, and it can get much worse as the years go on.

    In my mother’s era (the BSE), adoption was all about secrets and lies….my identity was changed and birth certificate sealed. People know better now than to do that to a child and her/his family. Keeping mother and child connected via phone/visits, whatever is possible, will help to somewhat alleviate the profound feelings of loss for both mother and child.

    Many mother, post surrender, bury their feelings, they can’t cope, so they ignore it. Because of adoption, I lost my mother for 32 years….why? She was poor, nad had limited resources….but 32 years away from my own mother?

    If moms lash out because of your posts, it’s because they are hurting, really, really hurting.

  14. Michelle… thank you for sharing this.

    You are right. I think everyone needs to try to understand, at some level, the pain these Mothers must endure, day after day, having given up a child. Other Mothers can do so much better than I, because I’m just a Father. I don’t say that to diminish my role, just to recognize that my potential to understand what happens when a child lives inside you is zero. Nothing could make the loss of the child easier to handle.

    The discussions that have taken place as a result of this have turned positive. I’m thankful for that.

  15. JWT,

    You are not just attractive, you are HOT!

    Best wishes to you, your wife, and your family.

    gdtdywb

  16. Hi,
    I am a birth mom who relinquished in 1982. Painful? Yes. I was 17 years old . We had a closed adoption, which I don’t regret because I think it would have made it more painful if it were open. We have made contact and he is grateful that I chose life and understands why I made the choice I did. He was rescued. Those that are attacking are doing out of pain. My experience wasn’t like theirs. In a perfect world, there would be no adoption.
    My family has experienced all the options in an unplanned pregnacy. Abortion, Adoption and parenting. There is a story to tell on every one of these but my choice has had the most positive outcome. I know that not everyone would like to hear that, but its true. Adoption is not evil in itself. It is an imperfect solution to a terrible situation.

    Congratulations on your additions.

    Kim

  17. JWT, As an adoptee of the Closed Era that is often described as a “failed social experiment,” it always cheers me when I come across adoptive parents who are open enough to read the widely assorted experiences of assorted adoptees. I hope that reading about what made adoption “work” for some AND reading what made adoption an absolutely nightmare for some of us, a more complete picture will emerge…for the benefit of your children. Because it’s about the kids. I’m out there blogging for several reasons: a) trying to make sense of a VERY disturbing and confusing life and b) provide a case study of how NOT to handle an adoption. I mean, why repeat the mistakes of the past!

  18. Wow. She said that?!!
    That’s surprising.
    I’ve been following the exchange (but obviously not that closely).
    We adult adoptees have a lot of different perspectives. There are some who would like to lump us all together because we have perspectives on adoption that differ from their own.
    I appreciate your willingness to ask questions and listen.
    And I don’t think you’re ugly at all. ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Everyone… thank you. I’m glad that at 45, I’m still hot. Phew… now I can breath again.

    The most important thing here, however, is that this post began a new discussion that is moving this in the right direction. I could not be more thrilled.

    My own sensitivity to how adopted children and birth mothers view this process has been raised to new level already. There’s obviously much to be learned and a great deal to be gained from the continued discussion.

  20. reunionwritings

    I only said that because I though you were some nasty woman using the word birthmother as a way to be insulting.

    I didn’t know you were her husband.

    I don’t think you are ugly by the way, you have white teeth.

    I found this blog and thought it would be something for you to read:
    http://angelicaslittlebrother.blogspot.com

    I’m sorry you got so upset about what I said, I was annoyed about you calling me a birthmother that’s all.

    You’re not ugly JWT, you have a nice smile.

    Hope we can find a truce.

    Congratulations both to you and your wife for the girls.

    all the best

    Kim.Kim

  21. Kim.Kim…. all’s well that ends well. That how I feel about this.

    Regardless of how it all started out… we have the opportunity to heal far beyond the silly wounds of words and create a discussion that might benefit many, may people.

    Come back over to Mothers Fighting For Others and let’s allow this discussion to really take off!

    You’re not bad looking yourself. ๐Ÿ™‚

  22. Kim.Kim… I just found time to read the link you included. We follow the stories of problems with Guatemalan adoption very closely… and we researched our girls histories and stories thoroughly as a result.

    Guatemala, in my opinion, is the perfect storm for abuse. A 98% Catholic nation. 80% of the population living below the poverty line. No birth control. No abortion. Women are treated as second class citizens. The opportunities for abuse on all sides is very high.

    It’s one of the reasons why Rocky and Julie, one of the other writers on MFFO are working to raise money for projects to deal directly with poverty in Guatemala.

    Rocky is also traveling to Africa for one month in October to work in an orphanage in Africa. She wants to see first hand, help first hand, in an area where the children are orphans of war and aids and malaria. I know it is going to fuel her desire to help even more. (I’m not sure how much more fuel she needs though ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    Thank you for sharing the blog post. I’m going back now to comment.

  23. reunionwritings

    Oh I forgot her blog posts about the problems too!

    No it was more that she is a sweetie and adopting from the same country or adopted already. I thought you’d find a kindred spirit in her.

    Thanks for the compliment. I am getting a haircut today so send good energy.

  24. Good energy sent.

  25. anabelsmith thinks you’re a sweetie. glad things have enabled everyone some enlightening on this subject. big post, big response. wow.

  26. anabelsmith… thank you. All’s well that ends well.

  27. Don’t believe Kim.Kim false apology. Leopards don’t change their spots.

  28. Mary… I always take apologies at face value. Especially those made in public and in writing.

  29. Wow. just wow… How did she get that impression from words.
    JWT, ur not hard to look at, at all..LOL

    I like the muthahood site and I think I’m got it right, this is ur wife’s site and you guy adopted a child…

    If so, CONGRATS…

    As for Kim.Kim (why she has to have my name) there are so many children in the world that needs homes. Personally as a social worker that work in the foster care system. I would rather people look into adoption thru the foster care system. I know that can be a venture that give you less control but our US babies are in need. With a good SWer, it’s a venture that is very rewarding. We have over 500,000 children that are wards of the states they live in. I’m for taking care of home before any place else. That includes our children. But I will never place any judge ment on anyone else. Ok, Im off my soap box.

    However, any child from anywhere that needs a home should get one. Yes, some of the parent are giving up their children due to economical, envirnomental reason. But we need to blame their govt for the deployable condition, not the people who is providing a safe environment. Most of these country receive aid from the US, but it’s dismanaged at best. I think Kim.Kim is looking at one sided stance and not the full picture.

  30. Kim… wow. Thanks. My wife wrote a great article on the topic of “why another country” called, “All Poverty Is Not Created Equal. We chose to go outside simply because the levels of poverty in other countries are so exteme, we felt the need was just greater. But you are so right, the need in the foster care system here in the US is profound as well.

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