scattered, battered and played

i don’t have a poem inside my head

my thoughts are scattered

battered and played

i don’t have a poem inside my head

my rhymes are all tattered

smattered and frayed

i don’t have a poem inside my head

nothing that matters

flatters or sways

i don’t have a poem inside my head

nothing to splatter

blatter or praise

i don’t have a poem inside my head

nothing but chatter

clatter and haze

jwturner
forcing it again

8/15/2007

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7 responses to “scattered, battered and played

  1. I know you say you’re forcing it but I wonder if it’s because you are taking pause to think of which words to throw in? This is good Jeff and here’s why. The repetition of the words “I don’t have a poem inside my head” really drives home the feeling of a sort of writer’s block, and then you play around with different variations of the rhyme “attered”, scattered, battered, clattered, shattered, tattered, and so when you read it, it really makes the words seem like they are dancing all around you and you can’t reach them.
    Great job.

  2. Kim… you may be right. I feel like a poem should come out whole… and when it doesn’t, I feel like I’m forcing it.

  3. Kim kinda stole my thunder hear; she hit the nail on the head. I too liked the way you used language to make the reader feel your state of mind. God knows I know how you feel!

    -smith

  4. You force writing much better than I do.

  5. If that’s a forced poem…. then i wonder what the other would be like
    🙂

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